this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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