Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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