He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Your cock deserves a montage
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
