I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
