WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
