Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
