Im at strip club and am horny
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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