she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
