Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
