I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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