your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
