woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
