Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Randomize
