I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
