I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
