I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
