It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
