Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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