i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
