did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
