is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
