don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
