I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
