brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
