Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
