So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
