listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize