oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
