i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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