He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize