Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
