After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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