Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
