Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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