More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize