I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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