i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
