I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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