she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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