So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
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