He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
