I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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