When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
