The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
