Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
