so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
