I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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