Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
