I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
