She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
