escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
