I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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