I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
And then my night got REAL pukey
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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