so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize