They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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