I'm going to jail i love you
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
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