Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
