I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
