Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
