Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
