Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
