woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
