the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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