should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
