I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize