Taylor Swift is so right about you.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
