We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
