Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
