In the future we'll all be gay
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
