Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
