Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
