Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
