i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
