i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Randomize
