lets start a swedish sibling band together
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
