and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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