I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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