Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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