Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
