I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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