What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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