my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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