I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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