So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
