Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
