dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
