no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
